So Things Turned Out Differently Than You Expected...

   Maybe, it's for the better. This is a phrase that I have to remind myself frequently.
So what? You didn't get what you wanted. What are you going to do now?
You take a step back, a breath, a break. A gasp of air you needed so desperately. 
A moment of separation for you to really question if what you wanted
was truly from you or someone else.
People worry. They want the best for you, but sometimes that can be suffocating.
Because what they think is best, might not be.
and then we spend our days breaking our backs, pushing ourselves past our limits all because that is what's right? What?
I've been thinking about the song "All-Star" and the so perfectly crafted lyrics, 
"Only shooting stars break the mold"
And also how great that song was in Shrek.
And now I am thinking about Shrek, and how an ugly Ogre in a swap becomes the true hero.
I think about how many of us live our lives thinking that we are hideous, burdens to society, 
but we may be the heroes after all.
The most innovative people suffered, and not because of their own torment... well maybe some of that too, but the torment dumped on them from others. 
From others fearing what they have.
So often, I get trapped in this vicious cycle of accepting other people's ideas and emotions.
Their expectations cripple me. And they cripple me because I must do things my own way, not the way that is expected.
I am truly remarkable, but to be that way I must shed off the established ideas.
I have disabilities. But that does not make me any lesser than those who are fully able.
In fact, over the past year of having an increasingly worsening body, I feel that my brain has blossomed. 
Shooting stars break the mold because they chose their own path, and it led to success.
So am I going to be a state-certified art teacher? No
But now, in the position I am in, I can educate without restrictions.
I can advocate. I can tell my story. I can fight for accessibility. 
And I can do all of those things by going my own way.

I wanted to include some of the little things I have been working on. I have hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, as well as many other comorbidities. These cause me to live with a significant amount of pain regularly. I have been bedridden a lot lately, however, I find that creating helps distract my mind from my pain. So here are some of the items I have made from my bed. I have been really enjoying making plushies because: 1. They are small and I can make them without pushing myself too much, and 2. I think I have been making them because subconsciously, they comfort me. I know that they can hang out with me while I lay in bed, and they bring me smiles. Having a disability can suck, but it is when we focus on what we can do, what little things that bring us joy, that we become unstoppable.

Peace out my wonderful Outliers, and know that you are worth it.



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